When your partner's subtle anger gets transferred onto you, you can become frustrated and angry as well as confused. Their anger becomes your anger and then they have the nerve to ask why you're so mad! GRR!
Here's the thing, passive aggressive partners are often codependent and suffer from low self esteem. You might even be suffering a form of abuse but not realized it because emotional abuse is more difficult to identify.
Some warning signs your partner is passive aggressive:
Denial: This person will likely be in denial of their behavioral patterns. This is why they blame others and refuse to take responsibilty for their actions.
Forgetting: Instead of addressing the reasons they're angry, they'll likely 'forget' important things like your birthday or the plans that you've discussed and agreed to. They'll forget to pick up the drycleaning or groceries leaving you hurt and angry.
Obstructing: This is their nonverbal way of saying NO. When you're trying to decide what to have for dinner, or what to watch on Netflix, they'll shoot down or criticize your ideas without offering any suggestions of their own.
These are just SOME of the signs to look for when dealing with a passive aggressive partner. It's important to note that its not a good idea to to react when they're behaving this way - never nag or scold because you'd escalate the situation. Don't be vague or drop hints that you're unhappy - they need to hear flat out how you're feeling, be direct. Frame your concerns with 'we' statements, "we have a problem..." not "your behavior has become a problem".